As the latest HALLOWEEN makes its ways into theaters, why not take a step back in time and see how Hollywood tried to destroy one of the greatest slasher series of all time with 2002’S HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION, directed by Rick Rosenthal. Michael Myers is back, and he’s entering the digital age by targeting a group of dumbass college kids who are part of a live online streaming show investigating the Myers homestead. Yep, this is the one where Busta Rhymes breaks out kung fu on old Mikey, but we’re far more distracted by the details, as we muse on everything from spice racks to equality in the culinary world to gasoline-laced cappuccinos. Anything to avoid the stupidity in the foreground.
Our Month of Horrors Extravaganza continues this week as week take on 1976’s DEEP RED, from giallo master Dario Argento. When pianist David Hemmings witnesses the murder of a young woman, he takes it upon himself to become an amateur sleuth and find the killer. But who could it be? The sexy journalist covering the story? His perpetually drunk best friend? The ghost of a dead child? A bird? Seriously, coherent storytelling is not this film’s best friend. But there are some gruesome kills, and the music is, as described by our guest, “Super Mario Bros. meets Trans-Siberian Orchestra,” making it the greatest soundtrack of all time.
On this week’s episode, we kick off our Month of Horrors Extravaganza with 2003’s JEEPERS CREEPERS 2, directed by human piece of garbage Victor Salva. In this very stupid sequel to the not-half-bad original, our old pal The Creeper is back, and he’s ready to feast on a bus full of high school boys who apparently are returning home from a basketball game where they were skins. Or it’s quite possible they are all just too dumb to understand how shirts actually work. Regardless, the ick factor is high with this one, and not for the reasons anyone intended.
On this week’s episode, fair is fair as we take on 1985’s teen rebel cry THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN. Helen Slater plays the titular heroine, a modern-day Joan of Arc who simply wants the $608 owed to her family for a destroyed scooter. But after an accidental shooting, Billie Jean and her friends are forced to go on the lam, becoming media sensations in the process. Classism, sexism, feminism, child abuse, menstruation–no topic is too hot button for this film, resulting in one of the strangest and most ambitious teen flicks we’ve seen in awhile. Plus, it’s got a pretty sick Pat Benatar song, so we’re cool.
As co-host Luke zooms off to the Toronto Film Festival, Steve calls on some friends–no, family–to take on 2006’s much-maligned action sequel THE FAST & THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT, directed by Justin Lin. Lucas Black plays an American goober who is shipped to Tokyo and discovers the unique form of car racing known as drifting. But what happens when he locks heads with the Yakuza? And where the hell are Vin Diesel and Paul Walker? Wait, Han is here. We love Han. All is good.
On this week’s episode, a group of ragtag teenagers sneak into North Korea to save their imprisoned military fathers in 1988’s action-adventure THE RESCUE, a film that is currently in the running for the stupidest thing we’ve yet watched for this podcast. Re-read that synopsis! But that doesn’t mean it isn’t a whole lot of fun. And who knew that in the ’80s the DMZ was being guarded by only one boatload of inept soldiers? The more you know…
RAISING CAIN fans, take note! On this week’s episode, we head back to Brian De Palma country as we take on 1981’s political thriller BLOW OUT. John Travolta stars as a movie sound editor who accidentally records the murder of a potential Presidential nominee. But will our “ear witness” be able to solve this crime before he becomes the next victim? Or will De Palma put him through so many unrelated sleazy set pieces that he just sort of gives up? And will somebody tell John Lithgow to stop being so damn sexy?! We can’t even concentrate over here!!
On this week’s episode, we invite one of our favorite guests, the one and only Morgan, to take on the most Morgan of all films, 2016’s sci-fi thriller MORGAN, directed by Luke Scott. A genetically engineered human has had enough of being a lab rat and goes on a killing spree–although we’re most impressed by her ability to make a seasoned cast of character actors (Michelle Yeoh, Paul Giamatti, American’s Sweetheart Boyd Holbrook) turn in performances that would make a community theater blush. Oh, did we mention that she’s only five-years-old? And that a grown-ass adult falls in love with her?! She may have accelerated growth, but the excuse of, “She looks 19!” just doesn’t sit right with us. This was a movie released only two years ago. Just pointing that out.
On this week’s episode, we somehow manage to get even dumber than usual as we take on 1996’s family comedy THE STUPIDS, directed by John Landis(!). Tom Arnold stars Stanley Stupid, the patriarch of the world’s most simple-minded family. How stupid are they?!! Well, for starters, Tom Arnold is the patriarch. We kid! But what’s not funny is our guest’s obsession with Max Landis and certain indecent acts. May the Lloyd have mercy on our souls.
On this week’s episode, we head back to the movie theater to witness Jason Statham take on the mother of all sharks in 2018’s big-budget action spectacle THE MEG, directed by Jon Turteltaub. So is this film as much fun as the trailers would lead us to believe? Or are we looking at another tired JAWS rip-off? We’ll come up with some answers once we stop getting distracted by Statham’s abs. This may take awhile. We are very jealous.