Sequel month continues here at SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER!?! as we tackle 2009’s absolutely deranged action-comedy CRANK 2: HIGH VOLTAGE, directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. Jason Statham is back, and as the tagline helpfully explains, “He was dead…but he got better.” This time, some bad guys have stolen his strawberry tart–that’s heart to you neanderthals–and his artificial one is low on power, meaning he has to keep electrocuting himself to stay alive. And then Bai Ling shows up and scares everyone. Look, we admit that this film is about as politically incorrect as they come, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t an absolute blast. It even inspires a thoughtful discussion on Statham’s…uh…brown eye. Yeah, this movie had a terrible influence on us, our apologies in advance.
On this week’s episode, we head back to the movie theater to witness Jason Statham take on the mother of all sharks in 2018’s big-budget action spectacle THE MEG, directed by Jon Turteltaub. So is this film as much fun as the trailers would lead us to believe? Or are we looking at another tired JAWS rip-off? We’ll come up with some answers once we stop getting distracted by Statham’s abs. This may take awhile. We are very jealous.
On this week’s episode, we’ve got something truly horrifying for your Friday the 13th: JOHN CARPENTER’S GHOSTS OF MARS, a film so bad that we actually kind of feel bad that Carpenter insisted on including his name in the title. An eclectic cast featuring Ice Cube, Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier(!), and Jason Statham(!!) take on an ancient and evil spirit that is inhabiting the bodies of the citizens of Mars and forcing them to dress like extras in an Insane Clown Posse video. Can they stop the madness before an all-out Juggalo revolution occurs? Will Statham say a single line of dialogue that doesn’t include mention of his own manhood? And can Grier stop hitting on every woman within a ten-mile radius?! This is from the guy that made the original HALLOWEEN. Let that sink in.
On this week’s episode, we take an adrenaline shot straight to the heart with 2006’s bonkers action extravaganza CRANK, starring the one-and-only Jason Statham. We’ve got 90 minutes to determine if it’s pure genius or an offensive headache, and these Red Bulls and nasal sprays will only last for so long. Buckle up and enjoy!