On this week’s episode, we’ve got something truly horrifying for your Friday the 13th: JOHN CARPENTER’S GHOSTS OF MARS, a film so bad that we actually kind of feel bad that Carpenter insisted on including his name in the title. An eclectic cast featuring Ice Cube, Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier(!), and Jason Statham(!!) take on an ancient and evil spirit that is inhabiting the bodies of the citizens of Mars and forcing them to dress like extras in an Insane Clown Posse video. Can they stop the madness before an all-out Juggalo revolution occurs? Will Statham say a single line of dialogue that doesn’t include mention of his own manhood? And can Grier stop hitting on every woman within a ten-mile radius?! This is from the guy that made the original HALLOWEEN. Let that sink in.
On this week’s episode, we take an adrenaline shot straight to the heart with 2006’s bonkers action extravaganza CRANK, starring the one-and-only Jason Statham. We’ve got 90 minutes to determine if it’s pure genius or an offensive headache, and these Red Bulls and nasal sprays will only last for so long. Buckle up and enjoy!